今天母亲节,
首先Vicky祝天下的妈妈们母亲节快乐！
还在绞尽脑汁地挑选礼物or想尽办法讨好母上大人？
当了20年米虫的你想亲手做顿饭感谢妈妈,
理想是：
现实是一不小心却做成了黑暗料理？没有对比就木有伤害
↓↓↓
Vicky必须严肃滴找泥萌谈谈，
其实你若安好，便是晴天，所以→_→
母亲节最好的礼物就是赶快与雅思分手，没有之一！
你在雅思身上砸了几个1960？
能买多少礼物？
能让你的妈妈省多少心？......
今天我们不洒鸡汤，
唯有执笔点醒你！
快跟着Vicky一起练练手，
精改一篇大作文，
你的进步，母上大人看得到！
Task2:
Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and society.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
如今，媒体报道的趋势更侧重于报道社会问题和突发事件，而忽视社会的积极发展。一些人认为这对于个人和社会都是有害的。你是否同意这种观点？
改前解析：
这是一篇媒体话题类大作文，题目类型为Opinion Question 观点型。
题目特点：一般此类问题问你是否赞同题目所表述的观点，赞同不赞同或者一部分赞同，都需要给出具体的原因和解释。
具体的构思流程，Vicky在往期推送：雅思大作文：6分"保命"结构模板解析 中已经提到，童鞋们可以再复习一遍哦！
下面我们来看一篇考鸭的范文，
擦亮你的眼睛来找茬吧！
考生范文：
The current phenomenon of media overly focus on reporting issues and emergencies rather than positive developmentshave turned the spotlight on whether it is a positive or negative trend.To me,this could be beneficial for individuals but might be harmful to society as a whole.
Receiving accurate information of emergencies and problems could give individuals warnings. For instance, informuion including environmental problems such as air pollution is vital to pass on to the public through media. Without such information, people might keep polluting the environment until there is no solution and the world would become unlivable. Besides , delivering important emergency warnings in time could save people's lives. For example,in China, thousands of people evacuated in time before the flood came in June 1998 merely because tv and radios broadcasted the emergency warning the night before the flooding. Therefore, delivering information regards to issues and emergencies is beneficial to individuals.
However,media's overly focus on pmblems and emergencies could lead to panic and chaos in society. There is a board consensus that public panic could result in unnecessary catastrophic chaos in society. Take the incident in Wuxi China as an example. In July 2014, a reporter in a local TV station reported a story about how the local factory has polluted the water source by pouring toxic chemicals into the river. Overnight, all the bottled water in the supermarkets was cleared out by local residents. Some people, misled by the media and filled with fears, even started a fight with the others in a shop over a bottle of water. That incident led to twenty-five adults and one child injured. Later the government issued a statement indicating that the amount of chemicals poured in the river was so small that it could not cause any serious health damage to human bodies. Accordingly, it is the media which spreading rumors about emergencies and problems that could harm the society.
In a nutshell,delivering reports which focus on problems and emergencies could be advantageous to individuals, nevertheless, it could also be harmful to society as a whole.
你能找出几处错误？
你给这篇作文打几分？
下面来看看Vicky如何精改，
同学们不仅要注意识别丢分点，
还要学习和积累其中的高分表达哦！
精改范文：
第一段：
The current phenomenon of media overly ❶ focus focusing on reporting issues and emergencies rather than positive developments ❷ have has turned the spotlight on whether it is a positive or negative trend.主观点❸ To me In my opinion，this could be beneficialfor individuals but might be harmful to society as a whole.
错误：
❶动词形式使用错误，真正的谓语动词为 turned,此处应使用动名词形式。
❷ 该句的主语为the phenomenon,谓语动词应使用单数形式，改为has；
❸ To me 属于非正式的口语化用语，应改为正式性语言In my opinion；
亮点：turned the spotlight on 把焦点集中在......
重新改述了题目并明确给出了自己的观点。
第二段：
论点1Receiving accurate information ❶ of about emergencies and problems could ❷ give help warn individuals and enable them to prepare themselves.warnings. For instance,information❸ including regarding environmental problems such as air pollution is vital to pass on to the public through ❹ the media. Without such information, people might keep polluting the environment until there is no solution and the world ❺ would become becomes unlivable.论点2❻ Besides,In addition,delivering important emergency warnings in time could save people's lives. For example,in China, thousands of people ❼ were evacuated(v. 疏散；撤出)in time before thea flood camehit in June 1998 merely because ❽ tvtelevisions and radios broadcasted the emergency warning the night before the flooding.Therefore,delivering information ❾ with regard to issues and emergencies is beneficial to individuals.
错误：
❶ about用在这里更恰当。
❷ 原句过于笼统，改动后的信息更加具体和完整。
❸ 根据句意，regarding更为合适；
❹ the media特指的是一个集合名词，包括电视、报纸、其他传播信息的形式，应该使用冠词the;
❺ 时态要前后统一，这句前面用的是there is 为一般现在时，所以后面应该保持时态一致。
❻ besides 属于非正式用语，不适合用于学术写作中，应该为in addition;
❼ 根据句意，应该是“人被疏散”，所以增加be动词were；因为具体指的是1998年的一次洪水，所以用不定冠词a; 洪水等自然灾难来袭，用hit比较地道；
❽ 首先TV应该大写，其次在正式写作中，不应使用缩略简称等形式，应该使用书面语；
❾ with regard to 为固定搭配，adv.关于；至于；
亮点：考生在这段的论述结构值得各位考鸭学习。
整段围绕开头段的主观点展开，阐述了两个分论点并以具体例子加以证明，最后再次强调了自己的观点。
第三段:
论点1However,the media's ❶ overly focus over-focus on pmblems and emergencies could lead to panic and chaos in society.There is a ❷ board broad consensus that public panic could result in ❸ unnecessary catastrophic chaos in society people being injured or even killed. Take the incident in Wuxi,China,as an example.In July 2014, a reporter in a local TV station reported a story about how ❹ the a local factory ❺ has had polluted the water source by pouring toxic chemicals into the river. Overnight,all the bottled water in the supermarkets was cleared out by local residents（精彩句子）. Some people, misled by the media and filled with fears,even started a fight ❻with the others in a shop over a bottle of water. ❼That This incident led to ❽ twenty-five 25 adults and one child❾ being injured. Later,the government issued a statement indicating that the amount of chemicals poured in the river was so small that it could not cause any serious health damage to human bodies. ➓ Accordingly,it is the media which spreading rumors about emergencies and problems that could harm the society.
错误：
❶ 前面为名词所有格's形式，后面应为名词性成分，而overly focus为动词形式，所以应改为over-focus；
❷ 词语混淆错误，很多考生都容易将一些形近词误用，再次提醒大家写作时务必要注意区别，拼写准确；broad consensus 是常用搭配，表示"广泛共识"的意思。
❸ 这一句与前面的句子太相似，语意重复，应该使用多样化的表达，进行同义替换；另外catastrophic chaos有“词语堆砌”之感，不是native speaker常用的地道表达，应改成具体生动的信息。
❹ 因为并没有特指某一家工厂，而且当地不仅一家工厂，所以是泛指，应使用不定冠词a;
❺ 该句是指过去的报道，根据句意应该使用过去完成时。
❻ with the others在这里没有必要，可去掉；
❼ that不太正式，并且在英语中一般常使用指示代词this来描述所说的事件，更加客观；
❽表示1-10的数字时，应该用对应的英语单词one-ten；表示11以上的数字直接用阿拉伯数字即可；
❾ being injured表示受伤这种状态；
➓ which在这里是多余的；另外这里并没有具体指一个社会，应该去掉定冠词the；
亮点：考生的观点比较全面，在之前的主体段中给出了自己的主要观点，同时在这段中也阐述了“不实报道会带来的问题”，并以生动的例子加以证明。段落中还有一些精彩句子值得模仿学习哦！
第四段：
In ❶ a nutshellconclusion,delivering reports ❷ which that focus on problems and emergencies could be advantageous to individuals❸ ;nevertheless,it could also be harmful to society as a whole.
错误：
❶ 这是一个非正式短语，在学术写作中尽量避免使用习语和一些陈词滥调的表达。
❷ 关于which和that，非特殊条件下，中国学生一般习惯互换，但其实两者之间还是有使用差别的，用which时，表示你说的情况适用于你谈论的所有事物；而用that时，只适用于你说的一些事物；
举个栗子，
All Dalmatians（n. 斑点狗），which have spots, are good pets.
这个句子中，我们知道斑点狗都有斑点，这里用which表达适用于所说的事物；并且which have spots 和主语用逗号隔开；
Dogs that have spots are good pets.
这个句子就是特指有斑点的狗，所有用that表示部分情况，且与主语间没有逗号。
作文中，delivering reports 后面所说的情况是部分类型的报道，因此应使用that。
❸ 两种观点间应用分号隔开。
亮点：总结段很简洁并且全面，还使用了一些高分词汇。
Vicky点评：
亮点：
该考生的文章结构和对写作任务的处理还算恰当,大部分例子中的过渡性短语比较准确，清晰地表明了不同观点间的关系；
个别句子的表达也很出色，用到一些高分词汇，已经用绿色标注，大家可以借鉴学习。
主要问题是：
1.存在语法和词汇错误，包括时态、冠词、介词、谓语动词单复数、词语混淆等，
2.一些非正式用语错误，包括缩写、简称、俗语等，各位小伙伴在平时的写作练习中一定要注意检查纠错，切莫让这些小问题积少成多，导致严重扣分！
我们常说熟能生巧，
雅思写作必须练练练，
先摸清写作的结构和脉络，
再填充高分内容，
而改错是保分的必备技巧！
想知道雅思写作中还有哪些丢分项么？
动动小手，戳下面：
无论面对什么风雨，
家人永远是我们的坚强后盾，
爱无需多言，
做个行动派就够了！
各位烤鸭，
你是怎么用行动回报母上大人的？
评论区留言，
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